Is it just me or am I getting very intolerant in my old age. There's a higher bitchiness count than normal in the article this week, I'm not in a bad mood honest, just the way it came out. Enough back covering, 13 new entries, 6 climbers and 2 non-movers.
No. 37: NEW ENTRY. Bruce Dickinson - Shoot All The Clowns
The second solo hit this year for Bruce Dickinson, following Tears Of The Dragon which peaked at No.28 back in May. Despite the lyrical and musical similarity, his solo work has never quite managed the impact of his former Iron Maiden colleagues. The new single is as cheerful as ever, but could it be considered an incitement to murder?
No. 32: NEW ENTRY. Time Frequency - Dreamscape '94
Consistency like this should be rewarded but since when was life fair. Hi-NRG in its most brilliant form is alive and well and living in Scotland, in the shape of Time Frequency. Following on from the What A Phantasy EP earlier this year, this latest single deserves to be a massive pop success but will probably get no further just like 95% of new entries in the lower reaches this year. The band's biggest hit remains Real Love '93 which made No.8 in November last year.
No. 30: NEW ENTRY. Heavy D and the Boyz - This Is Your Night
It's been a long time since we're heard from this lot. Heavy D et al have only ever managed isolated chart success in Britain, most famously with their remake of Now That We've Found Love back in 1991 which reached No.2. Now they return with another rapped up version of a disco classic, this time Kool and the Gang's Ladies Night from 1979, becoming only their second Top 40 hit ever.
No. 28: NEW ENTRY. Body Count - Born Dead
Well it had to happen. Following minor hits by Ice-T himself and two years on from their debut, his Thrash-Rap band finally make their UK chart debut. Ganster rap and thrash metal have always sat ill at ease in Britain and combined they sit even less comfortably. Another in and out performance is almost certain although it has to be said that compared to some of its ilk, the single isn't half bad.
No. 27: NEW ENTRY. 2wo Third3 - I Want The World
It's hard to describe the feelings this single inspires, the debut hit from Two Thirds sounding as if it could have been lifted straight from the early 1980s, sounding a cross between the Human League, Heaven 17 and the Pet Shop Boys. The result needless to say is an inspired single and if justice and radio airplay prevails it deserves to end up a massive hit.
No. 24: NEW ENTRY. Radiohead - My Iron Lung (EP)
The first Top 40 hit for over a year from Radiohead who have not charted a single since the reissue of their American smash hit Creep which became probably the biggest hit the band will ever have when it made No.7 in September 1993. The new single if anything emulates the brilliance of that previous hit, but is unlikely to progress much further and I suspect heralds a career of minor hits from the band [where to begin...].
No. 23: NEW ENTRY. Rolling Stones - You've Got Me Rocking
The Voodoo Lounge album is turning out to be one of the Stones' most commercially orientated for years, producing first of all the Top 20 hit Love Is Strong and now this uptempo rocker which smashes straight into the Top 30 complete with innovative video. The success of the single is almost certainly boosted by a dramatic Perfecto dance remix which has brought the band onto the dancefloors in a way no single of their has since Miss You. The success of that remix is another in a long line for Paul Oakenfold and Steve Osbourne whose most celebrated mixing success was the new version of U2's Even Better Than The Real Thing which when released as a single in its own right charted higher than the original mix. It's just one of the tracks on a new album of Perfecto tracks currently on release. [Worth reproducing here even if it wasn't the single mix, because it really is that extraordinary].
No. 22: NEW ENTRY. Jocelyn Brown and Kym Mazelle - Gimmie All Your Lovin'
Two of dance's biggest (in every sense of the world) team up for a second time to massacre a pop classic. Their cover of No More Tears earlier this year was logical enough but who could have predicted that they would choose next to tackle the ZZ Top classic? Gimmie All Your Lovin was the chart breakthrough for the Texas boogiemeisters, reaching No.10 in November 1984. Kym and Jocelyn's version takes away the guitars and replaces them with a set of anodyne synthsiser riffs whilst the girls belt out the song for all they are worth. Again this is probably a miscalculation as the song has enough raunch and energy already without them needing to add to it.
No. 20: CLIMBER. Snap featuring Summer - Welcome To Tomorrow
Slowly but steadily this track is edging its way up the charts and with radio airplay ever increasing one cannot rule out the chances of it progressing further.
No. 18: NEW ENTRY. PJ and Duncan - If I Give You My Number
If they go on like this they are in danger of becoming better known as pop stars rather than just a pair of actors from the BBC series 'Byker Grove' - or maybe that was the point in the first place. It's the third hit for the two lads and their second Top 20 hit succession, hot on the heels of Let's Get Ready To Rhumble.
No. 17: NEW ENTRY. Jamiroquai - Space Cowboy
"The Cat in the Hat is back" shouts the hype and indeed here he is, Jason Kay with the first single from his second album. Emergency On Planet Earth pioneered the new boom in Jazz-Funk last year and spawned four Top 40 hits - the biggest of which was Too Young To Die which made No.10 in March 1993. Space Cowboy deviates little from that winning formula which still does not stop it sounding rather bland to these ears - but a No.17 hit first week out is not to be sniffed at.
No. 14: CLIMBER. Cranberries - Zombie
Zombie advances to match the peak last February of Linger - any further and it will become the band's biggest hit ever.
No. 13: NEW ENTRY. CJ Lewis - Best Of My Love
*sigh*. You can be as rude as you like but these damn records are still becoming hits. CJ Lewis bids for a third Top 10 hit in succession with a reggaefied version of a classic hit. Having done the Searchers and Stevie Wonder, he now turns his attention to the Emotions' 1977 Top Tenner. The formula is the same as ever, chorus sung as per the original before CJs rather bland ragga toasting on the verses. To think they said pop wasn't dead...
No. 11: NEW ENTRY. Elton John - Circle Of Life
With the Lion King film set to open here in a couple of weeks, interest is certain to stir in Elton John's soundtrack. The second single charts now, three places ahead of the first, Can You Feel The Love Tonight. Sad to relate though it is another rather unimpressive Elton John ballad, unable to stand comparison with much of his classic output and is worryingly close in places to The One - arguably the last single of any value he put out.
No. 9: CLIMBER. Michelle Gayle - Sweetness
A further advance for Michelle Gayle giving her her biggest hit ever, making the Top 10 for the first time.
No. 6: CLIMBER. Pato Banton - Baby Come Back
Pato Banton scores the fastest move of the week and charges into the Top 10. It may seem like hypocrisy to rubbish CJ Lewis and express ambivolence towards this but Baby Come Back appears to be done at least with a sense of humour, an affectionate tribute to the original 1968 No.1 hit rather than an attempt to rewrite it. That's my excuse for liking it anyway...
No. 5: NEW ENTRY. Madonna - Secret
Madonna's second hit of the year in the wake of I'll Remember and what do you know - another straight Top 10 hit. Madonna may no longer be the darling of the critics and her original audience of pop kids may have grown up but that still does not stop her from notching up hits with a consistency that has never been seen before. The statistics are worth repeating simply because they are so astonishing. Only one of her hits failed to reach the Top 10 and this new track is her 32nd in succession with no other currently charting act even close to that total.
No. 4: CLIMBER. Cyndi Lauper - (Hey Now) Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
A regular guest on TV shows currently and that exposure has helped to push this re-recorded classic up still further, now a mere two places behind the peak of the 1984 original.
No. 1: FOURTH WEEK. Whigfield - Saturday Night
Whilst Bon Jovi make a strong effort they are still several miles behind Whigfield. The single has now gone Platinum already, smashing past 600,000 copies sold and shows no sign of slowing down yet. Next week though could see one of the most interesting tussles at the top since last Christmas at least. This is prompted by the release this week of a brand new single from a brand new album from a certain Manchester five-piece who have an astonishing knack of hitting the top instantly...