No, YOU spent midweek writing an introduction to this column that would never get used. The thing we thought might have happened didn't happen and we are left with nothing happening. Except for a new hit by two men who can swap notes about an ex.
You are reading the famous weekly guide to the Official UK Charts. The longest-running British music column online.
Read about this week's Top 40 charts and the stories behind the biggest new hit singles. Plus browse the complete 26-year archive, a resource of over 1300 articles documenting over a quarter of a century of popular music history.
NOBODY MOVE! Oh, wait, you haven't. One of the most extraordinary singles charts in the entire history of the medium is yours for your perusal this week. Every single one of the Top 12 singles this week is a non-mover. And yet there's tons to talk about. Just below the stack, there are three brand new entries. Or should that possibly be four? Plus Cheryl is no longer a thing (apparently) and we have the oldest singles chart debutant ever.
All hail Lewis Capaldi, undeniable King of albums with the strongest sale of the year. All hail Sheeran and Bieber who are still Kings of singles. But hail too to Lil Nas X who hasn't been Number One for five weeks now, but keeps racking up the numbers to deserve to. Plus Eurovision and even Britain thinks our own entry is garbage.